Archive for the 'Health' Category

1 in 5 Canadian Women Having Babies Later In Life

Published on September 16, 2011 in Articles, Health and Research. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

The study by the Canadian Institute of Health Information notifies that one out of five babies born in Canada are of mothers who have given birth at around 35 years of age, and older.

According to the study, among babies born between 2006 and 2009, 17.9% of them were born out of mothers who were 35 or above. Also, it has been notified that the rate is highest in B. C. as compared to other provinces, as 22.3% of the babies were born to the mothers aged 35 and above.

It has also been revealed that B. C. has the highest rate of pregnant mom aged above 40, as 3.9 of the pregnant women fall in that age group.

Experts say that the women who become pregnant after 35 have twice more chances of suffering from gestational diabetes and those above 40 are thrice more likely to suffer from the ailment compared to the women who become pregnant at an early age.

Gestational diabetes results in delivery complications due to the high blood pressure condition and it can occur when pregnancy hormones obstruct the insulin from metabolizing sugar and other carbohydrates.

A study by the Canadian Institute of Health Information indicates that 20% of Canadian mothers are having babies when they are older than 35 years. British Colombia has a higher rate at 22.3% compared to the other provinces at 17.9%.

Studies have shown that women above 35 are twice as likely as other younger age groups in having gestational diabetes and women about 40 when pregnant are three times as likey.

Gestational diabetes is high blood sugar that starts or is first diagnosed during pregnancy. While there may not be any symptoms present some symptoms may include:

  • Blurred vision
  • Fatigue
  • Frequent infections, including those of the bladder, vagina, and skin
  • Increased thirst
  • Increased urination
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Weight loss in spite of increased appetite

Most women with normal pre-natal care should receive a gestational diabetes test if they are over 35.

Written by Amy

Sex while pregnant is generally safe

Published on February 3, 2011 in Advice, Health, Maternity Exercise and Pregnant. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

Research has shown that having sex while pregnant is generally safe.

Published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, the study showed that there are few complications involved in the practice.

Using current evidence, the team from Mount Sinai Hospital and the University of Toronto explained that the uncommon, but potential, risks involved in sex in pregnancy include premature labour, pelvic inflammatory disease, haemorrhage in placenta previa and blood clots.

Dr Clare Jones and her co-authors wrote: “Sex in pregnancy is normal.

“There are very few proven contraindications and risks to intercourse in low-risk pregnancies, and therefore these patients should be reassured.

“In pregnancies complicated by placenta previa or an increased risk of preterm labour, the evidence to support abstinence is lacking, but it is a reasonable benign recommendation given the theoretical catastrophic consequences.”

They concluded that comfort level and readiness to engage in sexual activity should be used as guides by the couple involved.

Written by Amy

Women’s tears can have a negative effect on men’s sexual desire, a new study suggests.

Published on January 8, 2011 in Health and Research. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

Scientists at the Weizmann Institute in Israel found that women’s tears contain a “chemical signal”, which reduces arousal in men.

Prof Noam Sobel told BBC World Service radio that the signal reduced levels of testosterone and brain activity associated with sexual arousal.

His team now plan to study the effects of men’s tears on women and men.

Testosterone

The researchers collected tears from female volunteers who cried while watching sad films.

Male volunteers then had the tears or a salt solution, without knowing which, placed under their noses on a pad, while they made judgements about images of women’s faces. The experiment was then repeated, with those that had first been given the tears given the salt solution and vice versa.

The researchers found that the men who sniffed the tears judged the women’s faces less sexually appealing than they did when they sniffed the salt solution.

The levels of testosterone – a hormone related to sexual arousal – in the men’s saliva fell by 13% on average after they sniffed the tears, but stayed the same after sniffing the salt solution.

Their physiological state, as measured by skin temperature, heart rate and respiration, also fell after exposure to the tears.

MRI brain scans showed less activity in areas associated with sexual arousal after smelling the tears.

The researchers said the male volunteers could not distinguish the smell of the tears from that of the salt solution and that tears were odourless anyway.

“This study reinforces the idea that human chemical signals – even ones we’re not conscious of – affect the behaviour of others,” Prof Sobel said in comments published in the Science Express online journal.

He added that the results raised many questions, such as what the chemical giving out the signal was.

Written by Amy

Pregnant Women Lie About Smoking

Published on January 8, 2011 in Articles and Health. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , .

This article by By NICHOLAS BAKALAR of the NY Times

When pregnant women are asked if they smoke, almost a quarter of the smokers deny they have the habit. Using data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey conducted from 1999 to 2006, researchers writing online in The American Journal of Epidemiology report that 13 percent of 994 pregnant women, and almost 30 percent of 3,203 nonpregnant women of reproductive age, were active smokers. (Rates among these women, 20 to 44 years old, are higher than rates for the general population of women.)

Among pregnant smokers, 23 percent reported that they did not smoke, despite high blood levels of cotinine, a biological indicator of tobacco exposure, that showed they did. More than 9 percent of the nonpregnant smokers also lied about it.

The authors acknowledge that cotinine levels can be increased by secondhand smoke, and that the exact blood level of cotinine that indicates smoking in pregnant women is not known. But pregnant women metabolize cotinine faster than nonpregnant women, so their smoking rate may actually have been underestimated.

The lead author, Patricia M. Dietz, an epidemiologist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said that the deceit probably stemmed from embarrassment. “Smoking has been stigmatized,” she said. “They feel reluctant to be chastised.” But concealing the addiction is not the answer, she said — quitting is. And, she added, “it’s never too late to quit.”

Written by Amy

New guidance on vitamin D recommends midday sunshine

Published on December 19, 2010 in Articles, Diet and Health. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , , .

New health advice recommends short spells in the sun – without suncream and in the middle of the day.

Seven organisations have issued joint advice on vitamin D, which the body gets from natural sunlight.

The nutrient keeps bones strong, and protects against conditions like osteoporosis.

The guidance was drawn up because it is thought fears about skin cancer have made people too cautious about being in the sun.

Cancer Research UK and the National Osteoporosis Society are among the bodies which agree that “little and frequent” spells in summer sunshine several times a week can benefit your health.

The experts now say it is fine to go outside in strong sun in the middle of the day, as long as you cover up or apply sunscreen before your skin goes red.

‘Too negative’

A good diet and sensible sun exposure will be adequate for most people to minimise their cancer risk.”

End Quote Professor Peter Johnson Cancer Research UK

Professor Rona Mackie, from the British Association of Dermatologists, said: “Total sun protection with high factor suncream on all the time is not ideal, in terms of vitamin D levels.

“Even Australia has changed its policy on this. They’re now producing charts showing parts of Australia where sun protection may not be required during some parts of the year.

“Some of the messages about sun exposure have been too negative. UK summer sunshine isn’t desperately strong. We don’t have many days in the year when it is very intense.

“What’s changed is that we’re now saying that exposure of 10 to 15 minutes to the UK summer sun, without suncream, several times a week is probably a safe balance between adequate vitamin D levels and any risk of skin cancer.”

Official government advice already recommends vitamin D supplements for pregnant women and children aged under five.

But the experts who wrote the joint statement say mothers often are not made aware of this recommendation. They suggest women consult their GP.

Winter levels of vitamin D can be helped by a break in the tropical sun – or by eating oily fish, liver and fortified margarine.

‘Complex area’

Cancer Research UK’s chief clinician, Professor Peter Johnson, said: “A good diet and sensible sun exposure will be adequate for the great majority of the UK population to minimise their cancer risk.

“The area of vitamin D and cancer is complex.

“There’s some evidence, which is strongest in bowel cancer, that low levels of vitamin D in the blood correlate with the risk of developing cancer.

“But that doesn’t mean those low levels cause bowel cancer.

“We think overall that low levels of vitamin D are unlikely to be major contributors to the chances of developing cancer in the UK population.”

The joint statement also highlighted questions about vitamin D that warrant further research.

These include finding out the optimal levels of vitamin D, and more detail about the role of dietary sources and supplements.

 

Written by Amy

Autism More Likely in Kids Whose Moms Live Near Freeways

Published on December 19, 2010 in Health and Pregnant. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , .

Having a mother who lived within 1,000 feet of a freeway while pregnant doubles a child’s odds of having autism.

The finding comes from a study looking at environmental factors that might play a role in autism. University of Southern California researcher Heather E. Volk, PhD, MPH, and colleagues collected data from 304 California children with confirmed autism and from 259 children who developed normally.

“It has been estimated that 11% of the U.S. population lives within 100 meters [328 feet] of a four-lane highway, so a causal link to autism or other neurodevelopmental disorders would have broad public health implications,” the researchers note.

Exposure to air pollution during pregnancy is suspected of a wide range of negative effects on the fetus. A particularly crucial period may be the third trimester, when the brain develops rapidly.

Air pollution is particularly heavy within a thousand feet of a highway. Volk and colleagues found that the 10% of women who lived closest to a freeway during pregnancy were within about 1,000 feet of center line. Children born to these women were 86% more likely to have autism than kids born to women who lived farther from the freeway.

The relationship was stronger for women who lived within 1,000 feet of a freeway during their third trimester. Children born to these women were 2.2 times more likely to have autism.

Interestingly, the odds of autism remained unchanged when the researchers controlled for factors such as child gender or ethnicity, household education, maternal age, and maternal smoking.

It’s becoming clear that a child’s genetic inheritance has a lot to do with whether that child has autism. But genes do not explain why one child develops autism while another does not. Many researchers believe that something or a combination of things in the environment trigger autism in genetically susceptible kids. That exposure may come while the child is still in the womb.

But what is it about living near a freeway that might trigger autism? Is it really air pollution? Or could it be the noise?

Volk and colleagues note that their findings should be confirmed in studies that measure the actual air pollutants to which pregnant women living near freeways are exposed.

The Volk study appears in the Dec. 16 online issue of Environmental Health Perspectives, published by the U.S. National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences.

Written by Amy

Researchers find new source of immune cells during pregnancy

Published on December 16, 2010 in Articles, Health and Pregnant. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , .

This article makes for a bit harder reading but none-the-less is still interesting.

UCSF researchers have shown for the first time that the human fetal immune system arises from an entirely different source than the adult immune system, and is more likely to tolerate than fight foreign substances in its environment.

The finding could lead to a better understanding of how newborns respond to both infections and vaccines, and may explain such conundrums as why many infants of HIV-positive mothers are not infected with the disease before birth, the researchers said.

It also could help scientists better understand how childhood allergies develop, as well as how to manage adult organ transplants, the researchers said. The findings are described in the Dec. 17 issue of Science.

Until now, the fetal and infant immune system had been thought to be simply an immature form of the adult system, one that responds differently because of a lack of exposure to immune threats from the environment. The new research has unveiled an entirely different immune system in the fetus at mid-term that is derived from a completely different set of stem cells than the adult system.

“In the fetus, we found that there is an immune system whose job it is to teach the fetus to be tolerant of everything it sees, including its mother and its own organs,” said Joseph M. McCune, MD, PhD, a professor in the UCSF Division of Experimental Medicine who is a co-senior author on the paper. “After birth, a new immune system arises from a different stem cell that instead has the job of fighting everything foreign.”

The team previously had discovered that fetal immune systems are highly tolerant of cells foreign to their own bodies and hypothesized that this prevented fetuses from rejecting their mothers’ cells during pregnancy and from rejecting their own organs as they develop.

The adult immune system, by contrast, is programmed to attack anything it considers “other,” which allows the body to fight off infection, but also causes it to reject transplanted organs.

“The adult immune system’s typical role is to see something foreign and to respond by attacking and getting rid of it. The fetal system was thought in the past to fail to ‘see’ those threats, because it didn’t respond to them,” said Jeff E. Mold, first author on the paper and a postdoctoral fellow in the McCune laboratory. “What we found is that these fetal immune cells are highly prone to ‘seeing’ something foreign, but instead of attacking it, they allow the fetus to tolerate it.”

The previous studies attributed this tolerance at least in part to the extremely high percentage of “regulatory T cells”– those cells that provoke a tolerant response – in the fetal immune system. At mid-term, fetuses have roughly three times the frequency of regulatory T cells as newborns or adults, the research found.

The team set out to assess whether fetal immune cells were more likely to become regulatory T cells. They purified so-called naïve T cells – new cells never exposed to environmental assault – from mid-term fetuses and adults, and then exposed them to foreign cells. In a normal adult immune system, that would provoke an immune attack response.

They found that 70 percent of the fetal cells were activated by that exposure, compared to only 10 percent of the adult cells, refuting the notion that fetal cells don’t recognize outsiders. But of those cells that responded, twice as many of the fetal cells turned into regulatory T cells, showing that these cells are both more sensitive to stimulation and more likely to respond with tolerance, Mold said.

Researchers then sorted the cells by gene expression, expecting to see similar expression of genes in the two cell groups. In fact, they were vastly different, with thousands of genes diverging from the two cell lines. When they used blood-producing stem cells to generate new cell lines from the two groups, the same divergence occurred.

“We realized they there are in fact two blood-producing stem cells, one in the fetus that gives rise to T cells that are tolerant and another in the adult that produces T cells that attack,” Mold said.

Why that occurs, and why the immune system appears to switch over to the adult version sometime in the third trimester, remains unknown, McCune said. Further studies will attempt to determine precisely when that occurs and why, as well as whether infants are born with a range of proportions of fetal and adult immune systems – information that could change the way we vaccinate newborns or treat them for such diseases as HIV.

Written by Amy

Pregnancy-related deaths rise in the U.S. — But still rare for a woman to die from birth complications

Published on December 3, 2010 in Articles, Health and Pregnant. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , .

By Amy Norton of Reuters

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) – While it remains rare for a woman in the U.S. to die from pregnancy complications, the national rate of pregnancy-related deaths appears to be on the upswing, a new government study finds.

Researchers at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that between 1998 and 2005, the rate of pregnancy-related deaths was 14.5 per 100,000 live births. And while that rate is low, it is higher than what has been seen in the past few decades.

The researchers caution that the extent to which the rise reflects a true elevation in women’s risk of dying is unclear. Recent changes in how causes of death are officially reported by states to the federal government may be at least partially responsible for the findings.

However, it is also possible that part of the increase is “real.” According to the new data, deaths from chronic medical conditions that are exacerbated by pregnancy, including heart disease, appear to account for a growing number of pregnancy-related deaths.

In contrast, deaths from actual obstetric complications — namely, hemorrhaging and pregnancy-related high blood pressure disorders — are declining.

The absolute risk of a U.S. woman dying from pregnancy-related problems is still “very small,” lead researcher Dr. Cynthia J. Berg, of the CDC’s division of reproductive health, said in an interview.

But, she added, the new findings do underscore the importance of women “making sure they are in the best possible health before pregnancy.”

All women, Berg said, should try to have a pre-pregnancy visit with their ob-gyn and, if needed, get their weight and any chronic medical conditions, like high blood pressure or diabetes, under control before becoming pregnant.

For their study, Berg and her colleagues looked at data on 4,693 pregnancy-related deaths reported to the CDC between 1998 and 2005. Pregnancy-related death was any death occurring during or within one year of pregnancy that was attributed to a pregnancy complication.

The researchers estimate that for that eight-year period, the national rate of pregnancy-related death was 14.5 for every 100,000 live births.

In contrast, in 1979, there were just under 11 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births in the U.S. — a rate that fell to as far as 7.4 per 100,000 in 1986, before beginning a gradual increase.

In addition, the racial gap that has long been seen in pregnancy-related deaths shows no signs of narrowing. Between 1998 and 2005, the death rate among black women was 37.5 per 100,000 live births, versus 10.2 per 100,000 among white women and 13.4 per 100,000 for all other racial groups combined.

The reasons for the upward trend in the overall rate of pregnancy-related deaths are not certain, and more studies are needed to tease apart the contributing factors, Berg said.

One factor, according to the researchers, could be two technical changes in how causes of death are officially reported. In 1999, the U.S. adopted an updated system for coding causes of death — one that allowed more deaths to be classified as “maternal.”
Then in 2003, the standard death certificate was revised to include a “pregnancy checkbox,” which increased the number of deaths that could be linked, in timing, to pregnancy.

However, recent years have seen not only a change in the rate of pregnancy-related deaths, but in the specific causes.

Berg explained that the proportion of deaths from “direct causes” — obstetrical complications like hemorrhaging — is going down, while the proportion attributed to indirect causes — that is, medical conditions worsened by pregnancy — is increasing.

Hemorrhaging, for example, accounted for just under 30 percent of pregnancy-related deaths between 1987 and 1990, but only 12 percent between 1998 and 2005. High blood pressure disorders (mainly pre-eclampsia and eclampsia) also accounted for about 12 percent of deaths in 1998-2005 — down from around 18 percent in 1987-1990.

On the other hand, there was a sharp increase in the proportion of deaths attributed to heart problems. In the most recent time period, just over 12 percent of pregnancy-related deaths were attributed to “cardiovascular conditions,” while just under 12 percent were attributed to cardiomyopathy, an enlargement of the heart.

In 1987-1990, only about five percent of deaths were linked to cardiomyopathy, and a smaller percentage to cardiovascular conditions.

This study cannot weed out the precise reasons for these patterns. But Berg pointed out that “our population is changing.”

More women of childbearing age today are obese or have chronic health problems like high blood pressure and diabetes than in years past. So that could help explain the shifting pattern in the causes of pregnancy-related deaths, according to Berg.

The bottom line for women, she said, is that while the odds of dying from pregnancy-related problems remains quite low, it is important to go into pregnancy in the best possible health.

The CDC has information on pre-pregnancy health.

SOURCE: http://link.reuters.com/vah38q Obstetrics & Gynecology, December 2010.

 

Written by Amy

Tip of the Day: Pregnancy-friendly Caesar salad

Published on November 23, 2010 in Articles, Diet and Health. 0 Comments Tags: , , , , , , , .

This delicious article from JILL REED at the OC Register

I didn’t have too many cravings when I was pregnant with Ben.

I mostly craved salsa. Which was fine until heartburn set in during the third trimester. Then even oatmeal was painful.

But I also had a pretty consistent craving for Caesar salad. Of course, the traditional preparation with raw eggs was out of the question. And anytime I asked about it at a restaurant they said that they did indeed use raw eggs.

So I decided to experiment a bit using mayonnaise. Because of how it is processed, store-bought mayo is OK to eat if you are expecting.

I had great success. And, even though I am not pregnant anymore, I still use this recipe because it is easy and it keeps well for a few days in the fridge.

I do use anchovies in this. I know some people are not really fond of those funny little fish. I like the layer of flavor they add to a Caesar, and they get pulverized when this dressing is blended. But if they are not your thing, just leave ‘em out.

By the way, anchovies are low in mercury and high in all sorts of other good stuff. Anchovies are OK in moderation for pregnant women.

Pregnancy-friendly Caesar salad
(makes 6-8 servings, depending on how large of a salad you like)

1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 cup mayonnaise (I use light mayo and it works great)
4 oil-packed anchovy fillets, drained
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 large garlic cloves, coarsely chopped
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
Freshly ground pepper
1 1/2 pounds romaine lettuce, torn into bite-size pieces
Your favorite croutons
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:

1. In a food processor (I use my mini processor for such a small batch) or a blender, combine the mayonnaise, anchovies, lemon juice, garlic and mustard and blend until smooth. With the processor on, slowly pour in the olive oil and blend until smooth and combined. Season the dressing with pepper to taste.

2. In a large bowl, toss the romaine with the croutons. Add the dressing and toss. Sprinkle the Parmesan over the salad, toss again and serve right away.

3. Leftover dressing will keep in the fridge for a few days. Just give it a quick whisk before you use it.

Written by Amy

The Lucky One

Published on November 19, 2010 in Articles, Baby, Health and Pregnant. 0 Comments Tags: , , , .

By Jenny Feldon, blog post at Pregnancy.com

35 weeks. It seems almost impossible that this much time has gone by since I first saw that pink plus sign on a white plastic stick. Holiday decorations are already in store windows; by Christmas I could have a weeks-old infant cradled in my arms. Sometimes I look back and think “How did I get here? And how did it happen so fast?”

Along with my rapidly approaching due date, there’s another date permanently engraved on my mind. A day on the calendar that was supposed to mark the same kind of joy for one of my dearest friends that my own due date promises for me. But that date is empty now, a blank spot where there used to be a big red exclamation point. Because I am the lucky one, the one who gets to keep her miracle. And my friend—an amazing woman, a phenomenal mother—is grieving not one, but two pregnancies she’s lost in the same 35 weeks I’ve been happily, uneventfully pregnant.

It’s at her recommendation—and with her blessing—that I write this very difficult post. Miscarriage is a very common, very real part of many women’s journeys toward motherhood. I’m particularly inspired by Project Pregnancy blogger Lexi Walters Wright, whose beautifully written, brave posts remind me how incredibly fortunate I am—how fortunate every mom is—to have a healthy child growing up before my eyes, and even luckier to have rolled the dice and conceived a second time. But remembering how lucky I am is not enough to provide support to my friend, to help her through her grief without being a living, breathing reminder of her pain. What do you say when you desperately want to ease a friend’s pain—but can only make things worse?

We met when our babies were just a few months old, and it was instant friend karma. Our daughters are less than two weeks apart, and we’ve tackled every challenge of new motherhood together, from breastfeeding to pureeing broccoli to those first trips down the big kid slide. We made stay-at-home mommyhood into an adventure, with coffee playdates, music classes and field trips to the aquarium. She has parented my daughter almost as much as I have; she is one of the reasons my long months with J out of town have been bearable.

Around the same time, we decided it was time for #2. My friend had lost a pregnancy before her daughter C was born, and was considerably more cautious—and anxious—about the conception process than I was. Still, we bought ovulation sticks together, peed on pregnancy tests together, and looked at each other wide-eyed with shock and joy when we realized we’d both hit the jackpot—and were expecting our #2s just two days apart.

I had complications early in this pregnancy I hadn’t experienced with E. Bleeding started around 6 weeks, and I would sit in the bathroom, terrified and alone, wondering what was happening. She was my sounding board, my reassuring voice. When she also started first trimester bleeding, I blithely assured her everything would be fine. Wasn’t she just being overly neurotic because she’d had a miscarriage before C? If she was allowed to reassure me, I was allowed to poo-poo her fears too. Or so I thought.

Just before our 12-week milestones, my friend’s ultrasound showed no heartbeat. In an email more concerned with my feelings than her own, she broke the news, letting me know she and her husband were drowning their tears in sake and sushi, and were focused on being grateful for the gorgeous, smart toddler they had at home. They were optimistic about trying again. Typically brave, typically cheerful. Heartbreakingly honest.

I cried for hours. Why her? Why not me? Suddenly, irrevocably, my joy and her pain were inextricably woven. And there was nothing I could say, no help or soothing words I could offer her, that could excuse the fact that I was still pregnant and she was not. I desperately wanted to trade places. At least if it were my pain, I could deal with it, be in control of it. But to watch someone so close to me suffer and not be able to a single thing to help—it was intolerable.

Selfishly, I was grieving a little bit for me, too. I wanted to take this journey with one of my dearest friends. Everything was supposed to work out perfectly. I’d envisioned joint baby showers and shuffling down the hospital hallway with my IV pole to have the world’s first post-partum slumber party—just her, me, and our newborns. Our #2s should have had birthday parties together, gone to the DMV together to get their driver’s licenses. All those silly, selfish dreams were shattered. I wanted to be unequivocally elated and excited about the new life inside me. Instead I felt sad, lost, and so, so guilty.

My friend is one of the strongest and bravest people I know. But no amount of bravery can take away her pain, and I hate that my own healthy pregnancy is a constant reminder of what she should have had—twice, now, since I conceived #2. Our conversations have become an elaborate dance, with her asking me about the pregnancy to prove she’s OK with it, and me trying everything to avoid the topic entirely so as not to cause her any more sorrow. If I could make my growing belly disappear in her presence, I would. I do my best to pretend there’s nothing more important going on in my life than preschool and potty training, because those subjects are things we can still share. But despite our best efforts, the chasm between us grows ever wider. It‘s the exact distance between the baby that is, and the baby that is no longer.

Is there ever a right thing to say to a friend or loved one that has suffered this kind of loss? Can women who haven’t had fertility problems ever say the right thing to a woman who has? Even with the best of intentions, every word out of my mouth is potentially the most wrong thing I could say. I can’t understand what it feels like. I can’t make any of it better. And what I am doing—growing bigger and more pregnant by the minute—is, in some ways, the worst thing of all.

I know how genuinely happy my friend is for me, and how much she hates that I feel guilty when I should be celebrating this upcoming new life. I believe with my whole heart that she will have another child, one as healthy and precocious and absolutely perfect as her sweet daughter C. She is an incredible friend, a loving wife, an amazing mother. She doesn’t deserve the sorrow she’s been dealt (who does?) but she’ll triumph anyway, because that’s who she is. She inspires me every day.

And so do all the other women who have struggled with the pain and loss of infertility and miscarriage. To all of you out there who have suffered like my sweet friend: Is there anything us “lucky ones” can do, or say, to support you the way we so desperately want to? Or at the very least, minimize the damage our happily pregnant selves can inflict on still-raw wounds? Nothing can take away the pain of loss, and in many ways that chasm will always exist. But I’d love to hear advice on what to do, what not to say, and how to bridge the gap that inevitably grows between women whose paths have turned away from each other.

Written by Amy